The other day Sue said to me, “You haven’t written in your blog for a long time, how come?” I think I managed to escape without answering the question. There have been a few reasons for my nearly two month delay, but the biggest reason is this: I think I’ve discovered the answer. The answer to life, the Universe, the meaning of everything.
Or at least the answer to the question that started this blog. What’s the meaning of MY life?
I’ll start off deep, so you can think I’ve gone completely off my rocker. I think life has been trying to show me a truth -no, scratch that - a TRUTH. Something so honest and real that it’s true always, everywhere, and the entire way through. The TRUTH that all living things are connected.
Maybe that sounds like a bunch of New Age hoo-hah to you. I’m starting to think it explains a lot. Like why I feel sick when I see stories of animals being abused, and the news of 17 year old boy who I didn’t know being killed. Why I’m dreading meeting the kids in the orphanage who aren’t destined to be adopted and Aberash’s dad. If I believe that I’m connected to all living things, when things are going well for others in the web, it’s a good thing for me. When they aren’t… well, you probably get it.
I’m pretty healthy – physically and mentally. I have an incredible family, and some good friends (when I remember them). My job’s good, my house is nice, I’ve got plenty of food and more stuff that I could ever need. So why do I feel unfulfilled? I think it’s because when you reach this stage there’s really only one thing you can do to keep the energy going. And that’s to make the lives of OTHER living things better. I think this is my purpose. And the reason why I feel unfilled is because I spend so little time and energy living into it.
So let’s recap. I just said that I believe I have become aware of a universal truth. Then I said I believe my purpose is to be a model for selflessness, charity, kindness. Does that sound arrogant, or crazy? The thing is, the more I think about this, the more I KNOW I’m right – this IS my purpose. I also think this answer’s been in front of me all along. Have I been ignoring it? Or not in a place where I could see it? Either way, I know living into it is going to require a few very important things.
The first thing it will take is compassion. I am a judgmental person - easily annoyed - and one of my favorite activities is writing people off. This person’s a know it all. This one a slacker. That one talks too much. Lately I’ve been trying to not do this, and find other answers for the actions that people take that annoy me. She’s insecure. She’s afraid. He’s lonely. It’s weird, because when I started doing this I started finding reasons to KNOW these kinder, gentler explanations were true. And my previous explanations were really those of an ignorant jerk.
I also know it’s going to take humility. If I say I’m going to make the lives of other’s better, I need to start with the recognition that this isn’t about me. I don’t have all the answers, and pretending I have a guide that others should follow would be wrong. Kindness and compassion good, proselytizing bad.
The last thing it will take… is me getting off my ass. And that’s probably the best reason for my delay between blog posts. If you are looking for meaning, and don’t know where to find it, you’ve got a good explanation for why things aren’t moving ahead quickly. If you think you know what your meaning is and STILL aren’t moving ahead very quickly? Well, then all you’ve got is excuses. And excuses make for shitty blogs.
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